You can’t see my tears…
They’re really not there.
They’re actually memories melting away from a troubled mind.
You can’t see my tears…
I won’t let you.
Instead I’ll wear my heart on my sleeve.
You can’t see my tears…
My heart heaves.
I struggle to breathe sometimes.
I won’t let you see my tears…
I am stronger than that.
At least that’s what I tell myself.
My tears will show themselves…
I’ve lost that control.
They are my heart overflowing…
With happiness
With sadness
And with love and compassion for others.
I will show you my tears…
They are part of me.
Share with me, if you will, this journey with all it’s twists and turns.
Hold my hand
Dry my tears
Assure me when I am confused
Give me hope when I feel hopeless.
Here are my tears…
Category: Childs Story
Submersion
Submersion
I’ve all but cut my ties to SLC. Yesterday I backed down seeing Tracy to every other week which has cause a little rift in the Tribe but it is a step I need to attempt on my own. I don’t know if I’d consider therapy a crutch but it has brought me so much peace of mind from understanding my head and all the intricacies it holds.
We spoke of the healing power in nature. I am already well aware of the energy that I tap into out here. I have a connection to the outdoors that I can’t find anywhere else. I am glad that Chris is also a much more calm and kind person. I plan to continue to practice in the outdoors, being an observer, a seeker, a wandering Yogini. To find serenity inside by engaging outside.
Soma… body. We spoke a lot about my mind and feelings or lack of understanding what I’m feeling or how to relate to it in a healthy way. This has made me physically ill where that energy arises or dwells. What he said struck so deep I knew he had hit bed rock.
I have always sought out someone else’s words to describe how I feel. I feel very deeply but just can’t explain why I’m crying or what made me sad, happy or what-not… it never mattered so I run away inside. This in turn makes me sick physically. Another step in healing that seems like a daunting task. I just need to find balance.
The rain fell all night last and everything is dewy and vibrant. The sun is shoeing away the last of the heavy grey clouds. I can here a small bird and the sound of the river. The air is crisp and smells of damp earth. The pine trees stand eerily still waiting for what the day may bring. My mind wanders off. I pray to the mother, to the ancestors, for the courage to continue to find things within myself that have lost their way and that the inner peace will flood my entire being with calm and serenity.
I enter my mind through meditation, experience, sounds, vibrations and a connectedness with all living beings, animate and inanimate. I get to the center and see through many eyes, many time periods, many memories. I tremble as I look out through these eyes as they walk and talk. As they anguish in their roles to help me survive.
The Trust
I am but a small child
I trust you
I love you
I would do anything for your love
Anything?
You call my name
Take my hand
Close the door and
I have a dream…
I am standing in the rain
You are keeping me safe
You hold me close to keep my dry
I listen to the rain and feel you
I close my eyes and you dry me off
You take my hand and lead me away
Again you hold me and tell me it’ll be alright
You must me right… you love me I trust you
You rub my trembling arms
I can feel the warmth in my belly
I don’t feel well
I am scared
I close my eyes tighter and see a flower
I touch its petals
They are soft and smell like old spice
A bee is hovering I can hear the buzzing
It lands gently on the flower
And the flower becomes me
The bee tickles me with its tongue
I reach down to touch the bee and it stings me
I hold back my tears
It was my fault and it didn’t mean to hurt me
As the flower closes I fall asleep
A dew drop runs down my cheek
You pick me up and put me to bed
I close my eyes tight and pretend to be asleep
This is our dream you say
Our secret place
My tummy feels sick again as I roll over and wish I were dead
An Awakening…
The Tribe has Gathered
The stirring ceases
The mind clears
The thoughts drift away
We sit as one tribe
The moment we all sit silent
I can hear my heart beat
The tiny birds in the canyon
Crows talking above
The wind in the rocks
The incense burningQ
We meet as one
Each in their power
The silence brings tears to my unfocused eyes
I drift off…
I am Alex the protector
The strong warrior
The wild child
I seek instant gratification
I would fight to the end for the Tribe
I am LJ the broken hearted
I feel the tribes pain as my own
My tears are your tears
This world is beautiful
And I am home here
This world speaks to me
It listens to me
The animals are my friends
I am Aubrey the lost one
I am scared
This world is big
I miss my new friends
I only want a hug
I am Otter the Empath and Healer
I am bodhichitta
I am shaman
I have a heart of love and compassion
This is my world
I walk with the tribe
Into the unknown
And comfort the fear
The universe is my father
The earth my mother
I am most powerful
I am Butch the two spirited
I have the energy of love
Misdirected at times
I am the jester
I bring overwhelming love to my new tribe
I need direction
I am Zak the Poet
I hear the thoughts
I am the scribe
The record keeper
The story teller
I am powerful yet equal to the tribe
I hold wisdom and knowledge of the ancients
Together we live in this vessel
This mind, heart and soul
Together we are one united
A balanced driving force
Individual we loose the focus
I return to my soft stare
The wind cools my body from the heat of the sun
My mind calm
My body relaxed
Good day world
ja 2020
The Life of a Leaf
“Birr…it’s cold”, said the small bud on the tree
“It’s as cold as cold as can be.”
Soon the warmth of the Spring sun touched the bud and it began to stretch and stretch and stretch
This warmth is lovely, thought the small bud, beginning to unfurl itself.
A warm breeze blew and the small bud felt the movement and began to giggle
As it giggled something strange happened.
The small bud, from all it’s stretching and giggling began to blossom.
First as a lovely flower…
The loveliest flower ever imagined.
Soon the flower faded and a brilliant green leaf appeared.
The leaf thought to itself…
I will grow and grow till I am so big, that everyone can see how beautiful I am.
The Summer wore on and the leaf drank in all the sun and warmth it’s beautiful little body could hold.
Through thunderstorms and soft rain, it continued to exude it’s beauty to any that would look and see.
Soon the days began to grow shorter
The nights colder
The winds bitting cold
The small leaf shivered in the cold…
What is this?, it thought to itself, as it began to change into the most beautiful shade of red, along with all the other leaves on the tree
The sun no longer rose as high in the sky,
The air had the feeling of a chill settling on the land
The leaf, not aware of the closing in of winter
Dangled carelessly admiring its new transformation
One morning a cold frost fell upon the tree
The small leaf was confused by this chilly dew, unlike that of the warm Summer mornings
The sun soon burned through the mist and warmed the frost crystals back to warm droplets and the leaf settled back in
The next few days the sun rose, the winds blew and the leaf swayed silently
A week later, the small leaf wondered about the sun, as it was hidden by dark heavy clouds
Small flakes of delicate design began to fall from the sky
A soft blanket of snow covered the tiny red leaf
It shivered and eventually could no longer hold onto the branch it had called home for so long
It drifted silently to the ground
It looked up at the beautiful tree it had called home
The beautiful reds laced with the falling snow was incredible
The tiny red leaf felt a sense of pride as it slowly closed its eyes and ceased to exist.
