Awakening of the Heart

My heart has been chained

Whipped and beaten

Broken and bruised

Someone always feels

I don’t get to choose who

I can feel deeply

“But it’s not allowed”

They scream

I try not to listen

A touch

Not physical

But energy flowing

One to another

A mingling of souls

A melting of hearts

From a distance

But mingling in spirit

Wordless pause

The ache

The release

Tears

Heartbreak

Feeling strong

Yet vulnerable

And the love

Overwhelming

An awakening

Of the heart

Waging War

I grew up in a time of segregation…discrimination.

A time when I learned to hate for no reason.

Where everyone I knew was the same color as me.

The adults so stuck in their small minds of the time.

Crosses burning in a young black child’s mind.

What a fucked up world we live in

“The times they are a changin’” used to play on the air

Let it Be…imagine… and so I did

I imagined the love and peace of these songs.

Chanted and cheered about love.

As I watched friends die from a “war” no one wanted to talk about

Sending brothers and sisters into hell as parents weeped.

It was a war waged… man against man … brother against brother.

While In the streets of our home…

the black man weeps.

Gays die of AIDS.

What a fucked up world we live in.

Our politicians that act as if they were gods…

Play Russian roulette with the little mans lives.

“We speak for the people” they lie through their teeth… as the poor man struggles to get on his feet.

What a fucked up world we live in

We’ve now grown older and wiser we think.

We now see things

our parents choose not to see.

Their whole damn lives…

taking a back seat to the man.

Polluting rivers and seas with oil brought from the ground, plastic and toxic waste.

Burning fuels that are so carcinogenic…we…once again suffer from their mistakes.

Guns and mass shootings are a thing these days?!?

What a fucked up world we live in

There’s a fire burning though…

From the kids down below…

who now watch their friends die.

afraid to go to school?!?

Think they’ll sit back and watch?!

Don’t bet on it Jack!

These kids are on fire and will be cleaning house soon enough.

Forward thinkers, motivated activists, kids that refuse to take no for an answer.

This is the army now fighting the war that their parents refuse to believe in…

turn a blind eye to.

As the children sit back and cry.

What a fucked up world we live in.

Now You Will Listen

And the hand of the creator fell upon the earth

With a calm loving voice

I have asked you to care for what I’ve given you

I have warned you about exploiting the Mother Earth

I have sent warnings and yet you continue to rape her

I have asked you in a gentle way

To protect the waters

And yet you continue to poison them with your waste

I have requested you

To comfort the animals of my planet

And yet you still kill and plunder for sport

I have implored you to protect the skies…the very air you breathe

And yet you continue to pump tons of pollutants into your own life force

I am tired of asking…

Now you will listen

As I blanket the earth and all human occupants with this plague

Now you will listen

But not not by choice

Now I will bring you to your knees

I will rob you of the precious life I have given you

I will take away your freedoms you hold so dear

I will throw you into silence and isolation that your fear will force you to Up hold

Now it is your lives I pollute

I pillage and I steal from you

Now you will listen

Continue

In a dream, the most intense dream I’ve had in some time, I saw Happiness and Serenity waiting at the crossroads. I walked up and questioned each.

I first questioned Happiness. How can one experience all you have to offer?

Happiness smiled and replied… First one must relinquish their clinging to the past… second one must surrender their negativity… third, one must listen to the joy that exists within, that which no one can take from you.

I pondered the advice and turned to Serenity and asked the same. How can one find serenity?

Serenity replied in a soft assuring voice… one must learn to let go of that which doesn’t serve them… to become vulnerable… one must sit with oneself and dig deep to find forgiveness.

Again, I pondered the words spoken.

I sat at the crossroad… quietly contemplating the meaning of each response to my longing for both.

Tears of anger became tears of forgiveness

Thoughts of self-destruction… became thoughts of peace and love

Feelings of helplessness and deep sadness, became feelings of joy and faith.

My mind reeled

My heart wept silently as it slowly melted

I retreated deeply

I spoke gently to the tribe

As much as I am grateful to each of you

Each of you allowed me to survive

Each of you have your place

Each of you is loved

Each of you has lived through unspeakable horrors

I am not giving up on you, I am grateful for each of you… but it is time for us all to heal

Life is too short and too precious

Today I must make a choice for all of us

Today I must begin to give up behavior that is not conducive to our health… to turn away from that which has become comfortable and take a chance

Today I must dig deep and allow myself, all of us, to become vulnerable and become brave.

To forgive those which I despise with conviction

To live in the warm glow of love and compassion

To shed the tears of cleansing.

Today I stand at the crossroad of life… my life. A choice needs to be made.

J

The Breaking Point

I woke up this morning

Tears in my eyes

The dream was so real

But was it a dream?

We are living in a time

Where close physical contact

Can be deadly

A hug… a handshake…

A kiss… could seal your fate.

In my dream

I went away

Traveled to distant lands

But all the while…

my heart ached

Never again was there to be human contact

Never again could I lay my head on shoulders and weep

Never again could I connect in a hug

Never again could I gather with friends and laugh

In my dream

Fear runs the world

Man afraid of man

No matter where I went

It was all the same

How can such a world exist?

How can people continue to exist?

People cry heavy tears

A woman holds her dead child

Children hold their dead parents

Hundreds burned like logs

The apocalypse?

A sinister unseen death hangs over the land

It randomly chooses its next victims

It is uncaring and doesn’t discriminate

Old, young, teens and anyone in between

It has robbed us of our freedoms

How can we live without touch?

How can new love begin?

Babies born that lie in plastic boxes

Not able to feel human touch

Mankind cries silently in their protected spaces

Fear gripping their very souls

I fear we are near the breaking point.

 

Isolation

The great shaman came to the tribe

It is a grave message that I speak this day

A famine has come to the world

A famine of unprecedented fury

It steals the very air we breathe

It brings suffering to all it touches

It overwhelms whole societies

We all must pray

Ask guidance

We all must listen, watch and learn

It is prophesied thru the ages

The tribe listened intently

The women wept tears that flowed into streams and lakes

The men, broken-hearted,

Lowered their heads in grief

And the clouds covered the sun

The children cried out and the birds stopped their song

The mountains trembled

The wind blew with fury

Today the healing must begin

Today we learn to be isolated

To live with our selves

To attack this with all the love of a mother for her child

To hold our selves closely and protect our hearts

Today we must open our eyes to reality

We must believe with all our souls we will survive

We must start this day to pay attention

Pay attention or pay the price

No…Not what you think

We decided to take this trip to Tucson…just because we’d never been there. We love the desert but Tucson just seemed like some far off retirement community. A dry desert town of little means but rich in Native American, Anglo and Mexican history. Why not?

We just got back from Nicaragua a few weeks ago and we are both already burnt out. The house we are renting has sold and we have 2 weeks to move. At this point I’m glad to be a minimalist.

We’ve submitted an application for a short term lease in a place where we can work on finishing the van and say our see ya laters and hit the road. A month or so to travel across the lower states getting used to the van and each other. This is actually where we melt together and enter into our element. Life from this point on will be fluid.

So back to Tucson, forgive my ADHD… We rented this cute 4 star eclectic hotel to camp out for the next few days. Great reviews. Earthy crunchy whole wheat little place. I admit when we first pulled in a part of me was not feeling it. I calmed down and thought how unfair that we would not even keep an open mind.

Hotel McCoy even racks my brain for appropriate words to describe it. Take it at face value, you’ll drive right on through the parking lot. Look deeper, take time to walk around…slowly. The artists that created this space left a piece of their heart behind on these walls. It speaks to the seeker in this land of saguaros and deadly critters. Grabs your mind and swirls it around leaving you spinning in your thoughts.