Day One: Finding Oneself

It’s my fifty fifth birthday. Life has been good to me without a doubt. Hard work and perseverance have paid off… but at what price? I have money, love, a great life partner, my own business, a beautiful house and means. Lately however I have lost something more important than all of those things… ME.

Sure I am happy and content on the outside, but the inside is a jumble of confusion, sadness and spiritual decay. This has led to depression and anger. So much so that those around me the most are often times the recipients or at least the observers of my unintentional and uncontrolled outbursts. It’s hard to accept, admit and own up to this. It’s harder still to accept it as a dark part of me and seek out ways to change.

Well change is exactly what I must do before all that lies behind me is a path of destruction… before I find myself alone. I know from my past lessons learned that inside of me is a constant battle. I’ve learned that when an imbalance occurs I must take a step back and gain equilibrium…I must put myself and my well-being above all else, or there will be nothing else.

This coming week I have chosen to attend a silent residential meditation retreat. I have chosen to place myself in the middle of nowhere, to disconnect from the outside world, to turn inside to my world and do some renovations. I have chosen to put my life and well-being in the hands of the teachers. I have chosen to be torn down and built back up. I have chosen to face my demons and fight the battle waging within. It is quite literally my life on the line. Not physically, but spiritually and emotionally. My foundation is not as strong as it once was.

This weeks goal is to root out the anger, frustration, sadness and whatever other little monsters I find lurking, and face them head on. To make peace with those demons. To find balance once again. I accept, acknowledge and own them. To find the spiritual tools to once again feel whole and grounded. It’s a path of enlightenment and peace. I will listen to the Buddha’s teachings and embrace the dharma. I will listen to, and take direction from the teachers and learn to live in spiritual harmony with all the good and bad within me. This is my path and mine alone.

Author: Two Travelin' Chicas... A Grand Adventure

Welcome! My name is Johnna, and for as long as I can remember, I’ve been captivated by travel, writing, and photography. I’ve always believed that the world is far too beautiful and fascinating to stay in one place for long. In 2017, I began the third chapter of my life—a chapter defined by adventure, discovery, and the pursuit of experiences over possessions. Alongside my soulmate, Chris Williams, and our faithful Pembroke Corgi, Gandaulf, I set out to explore the world one destination at a time. This blog is a collection of our journeys, stories, photographs, lessons learned, and memories made along the way. My hope is that through these pages, you’ll travel with us, find inspiration for your own adventures, and discover a few hidden gems of the world. So grab a cup of coffee, settle in, and come along for the ride. The road ahead is sure to be filled with unexpected turns, unforgettable moments, and stories worth sharing. Welcome to our grand adventure. View all posts by Two Travelin' Chicas... A Grand Adventure